I hope their love for one another never falters. I hope they remember these early days of learning together, teaching one another, just being together. I hope they look back on their childhood with fondness, remembering key things about each other. I hope I’m doing all I can to instill a mutual respect, fostering a love like no other, the love of siblings. I hope.

It was raining and he refused to use his umbrella, preferring instead (okay, yes, demanding!) to use his sister’s.

His sisters were away at a sleepover and he refused to go to sleep without wearing one of their bracelets. He needed something of theirs close to him, he was so thrown off by their both being away.

Sisters are what make little brothers happy (also infuriated when he’s told no, but that’s not the point).

Sisters. The best kiss givers ever (outside of Mommy, of course).

I have a subscription to Merriam-Webster’s word a day. My email folder aptly named Words of the Day (because I am superior in my not-so-obvious folder-naming ability) has over a year’s worth of words. I know how words can hurt, words can heal, words can get you both in and out of fights, trouble, jail. It is the power of one’s choice of words that has me thinking today.

The Twitters were all, um, atwitter, today after Brian McKnight posted a video of himself singing about his ability (and a woman’s need for his expertise) to “teach” her how to, well, better know her lady parts. (I won’t post a link because I figure if you want to see/hear it, you can utilize the almighty Google. Just please know that it is NSFW or maybe even your house. It’s crass. It’s vulgar. It’s downright idiocy (his suggestion that I don’t know myself. The nerve).

Let’s clear one thing up: R&B singers have been singing about sex since songs were being sung. However, most use innuendo, vague references for sex and anatomy. Brian has chosen to be rather direct with his terminology. There is no mistaking what he is talking about. I read tweets today about how an artist of his stature shouldn’t need to stoop so low for publicity, how this type of ploy/tactic/disgusting language is expected of artists not of his caliber or who haven’t achieved his level of success. I think people are over-thinking.

There are so many things to consider: yes, his word choice is “nasty”, but he is trending on Twitter, he’s a hot topic on Facebook, any publicity is good publicity (I believe this to be his motivation), and my husband and I had quite the day of “nasty” banter because of it. If you listen to virtually any rap song being played on the radio, there is no innuendo, no coy wording, no shyness. It’s more like bring that ass here and let me do what I want to it. While yes, that is an entirely different scenario (Brian claims to be making an adult mix tape (that makes me giggle)), it has me thinking why there’s such a disparity in acceptable language between music genres. I have to admit, though, that I am highly offended and turned off by most rap songs because of their suggestive nature. Why, then, am I not repulsed by Brian’s outright “nastiness”? Is it because I already liked him? Is it because even though he is singing “nasty” words his voice is so melodious you have to listen twice because you get sidetracked by his voice, not the nasty lyrics?

I’ve read that people weren’t expecting this from him, that he is tainting his image. I’ve read that he is recently divorced, having a breakdown, not feeling relevant in music, grasping at ways to stay afloat. It’s funny. I don’t see any of these things. I see a man being a man, choosing words that he knew would make more of an impact. I see a man talking to closet freaks (and possibly he’s a man who’s been watching too much porn and having way too many partners because I get the impression he wants to be teacher to more than one woman. Brian McKnight: Service Provider to Women (for their womanliness)). I also firmly believe that had he sold that nasty hook to a rapper, there simply would not be all this chatter. Is that because the raunchiness is expected from rappers but not from R&B singers? Look at R. Kelly. OK, wait, he’s not the best example and I don’t have enough time to analyze him or his lyrics here.

I know! Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Did you enjoy it? (I know you’re nodding, saying a breathless, emphatic yes). Then there’s the answer.

It’s words. It’s all about the words.

Some days the realization that I have to leave the house and go to work hits me as though I have never had to leave the house before. The boy will ask for me when he wakes. I won’t see him or the girls again for nearly nine hours. When they asked over the weekend if I had spring break too, I could have cried. I did cry. Late that night when it hit me yet again that I needed to prepare for the following day. The work day. There are simply some days when I want to throw in the towel. This is not where I thought I would be, where I want to be, what I want to be doing. Sometimes living in a van down by the river seems like the only option.

Today started off like most: I don’t necessarily enjoy my job anymore so I am angry when I wake up. I am angry when I get dressed. I brush my teeth angrily. I wash my face too roughly. I stomp when I get downstairs. I slam my lunch together. And then I close the door gently so that I’m not waking anyone with my nonsense. There is no alternative, so I go to work.

I am angry at work. I simply grunt at people’s good morning wishes, roll my eyes at whistlers. Can’t they tell I don’t want to be awake? Can’t they tell I don’t want to be here? Can’t they tell I want to be home with my kids?

I spend an awful lot of time here:

I muddle through the day. At 3:15 I pack up my belongings and leave without a word.

It’s still warm when I get home. We go outside. There are cartwheels.

And mudpies.

Flowers collected for me.

A girl in  plastic gloves, no questions asked.

It started off wrong on so many levels.

My day ended better than I could have imagined. And yes, I do know I have to go back to work tomorrow. I’ll be fine. I have a flask.

I joined the Tots2Tweens Blog Awesome Challenge for more than one reason*. First, the site is great and is a community builder, friendship enhancer, and there are recipes, hello! The site gives you interesting, fun ideas for things to do in and around the DC Metro area (as far up as Pennsylvania (and yes, I did for a second wonder if that should be as far down)). Need a birthday party idea (or place to have a birthday party because you no longer like other people’s kids and certainly don’t want to have to clean your house both pre- and post-party)? Tots2Tweens has you covered. The site is a community of recipes, blogs, things to do with kids, and more. Lots more! It is, after all, the “premiere directory for parents.”

Second, the challenge gave me the opportunity to connect with other blog writers I hadn’t yet “met.” The weblog has come a long way. We cover so many facets of life in our blogs that blogger deserves to be its own category in job search engines. And third? The win. The opportunity to go to my first blog conference, to tout the virtues of Tots2Tweens, and then to be a paid intern at Tots2Tweens for three whole months. Wow. Just, wow.

I’ve been trying for three years to get to at least one conference. Each year has presented its own hurdle, right around the time I’d be buying my ticket. Each year I get excited about the potential to meet new people, to network, to learn about how to grow my blog, engage my readers, use social media to my advantage. And each year I am faced with the brutal truth: 2009 — blog conference or stay with my newborn; 2010 — blog conference or braces; 2011 — blog conference or car note; 2012 — blog conference or fix the dying vehicle that is likely nearly beyond resuscitation. There is always something threatening to be more important, something forcing me to remember I am a member of adulthood. I do not like this club.

Winning this challenge takes away the pressure of making that decision, removes the horrible feeling of going one more year blog conference free (and reading Twitter and Facebook updates from those who are there; newsflash, y’all: THAT SUCKS!) when this could be the year it really makes the difference in my blog’s progression. 

For the challenge, Tots2Tweens asks: 

Will Bloggy Boot Camp be your first blogging conference? Yup. See issues of being broke above. 

What are you excited about? Networking, finding new blogs to interact with, talking about Tots2Tweens, being away from my children for a day. That’s a joke. Not really. Kind of. It’s not. But sort of, it is. A little. 

What are you hoping to learn? I’m hoping for inspiration, to learn about how other bloggers keep their momentum. I want to know about building a brand, whether other bloggers put as much weight on responding to comments as I do, pros/cons of talking about our children with specificity (by name, photos, etc.), over sharing (I don’t want to know about your boils, sorry), and everything in between. I plan on having a notepad that I stole from my daughter who borrowed it from me six months ago, apparently indefinitely. I will write on my hands if I have to, or use up my iPhone battery by recording, then getting angry when it flashes 20% battery remaining. Again. Because I’ve likely left my charger at home. Again. 

Any fears? I have a recurring dream where I wear new heels and trip and slide from the front door to the back like the floor has been greased just for me. I get up and walk to my seat as though nothing happened. Years of watching America’s Next Top Model have prepared me well for the pretend it never happened move. 

What will you wear? Seriously? This will not be decided until midnight on May 18 when I am frantically packing, forgetting my toothbrush, deodorant, and possibly underwear. 

So, there you have it. All the reasons I want to go to Bloggy Boot Camp, all the reasons I think I should be chosen to go to Bloggy Boot Camp (really, I’d be an awesome cheerleader for Tots2Tweens), the reason I should probably wear flats (to keep that awful dream from coming true), and maybe pants (because of the whole underwear forgetfulness. Unless, of course, there is a Target nearby (but then I’ll come out having spent $200, still underwearless)). 

See? I’m perfect for this! Because I do usually wear underwear.

*Disclosure: This post was written as part of the Tots2Tweens Blog Awesome Challenge. If I win, I will receive a conference pass to Bloggy Boot Camp Philly (yes!) as well as other monetary compensation. All opinions enclosed herein are my own. Because I be all thinking for myself, yo.