Let’s get the obvious comparison out of the way: this book is better than Fifty Shades of Grey. Understand that I never understood the fascination with that book as it was not well written (and once your mother asks if you’ve read it, as though, in this lifetime, you will discuss its nuances, it loses its appeal). In that book, the same phrases were repeated and that irked me. The characters were not interesting enough for me to want to read the other two books. With Diary of a Submissive, though, perhaps because it’s a first person account, it is more relatable. I don’t mean I related to it because I’m kinky, but even if that’s what I meant (you don’t know!), that’d be ok because guess what — kinky people exist and should not be ostracized from society for it. Neither should women (and women authors) be looked at differently because of what they do or enjoy having done to them sexually.
I don’t understand why it appears as though literature on the topic of kinky or “different” sex is supposed to seem taboo. I don’t get why women consider it arousing or life-altering either. Take 50 Shades: the amount of women who exclaimed ‘Freedom! Newness! I didn’t know I could be paddled and enjoy it!’ amazes me. Um, if a book provides that much revelation into sex for you, you’ve been doing it incorrectly. Ha. I just said doing it. I am 12. I like that the author takes us on a journey of discovery and is unapologetic for what she happens to like sexually. She is an educated, intelligetn woman who decides what she allows in her sex life. Even if at times throughout the book I thought, “Nope”, I was still more interested in and fond of her attitude. Liberating is a good word to use (like when I tell people I like Cool Whip they don’t know if I mean on pie. That has nothing to do with anything and probably doesn’t belong in this paragraph).
I love how at the onset the author explains that her sexual tastes do not lead back to a bad childhood or abuse or daddy issues. I dislike that whenever a person appears to go against the norm or derive pleasure from things thought “bad”, they are awarded the assumption of having had a horrible childhood. Negative experiences have forced social deviants to, well, deviate from societal norms. No, sometimes people just like what they like. The author, Sophie Morgan, candidly describes how she came to realize she liked being submissive and she does a remarkable job showing that what she does sexually had NO bearing on other aspects of her life. It doesn’t affect her work or her personal non-sexual relationships. It just is. It is a portrait not just of sex but of understanding oneself, of making decisions fully aware, being in control of one’s own experiences. It is a testament to confidence, saying this is what I like and this is what I’m going to do about it. Sure, what she does about it can sometimes be misconstrued as demoralizing, but that is just one perception (and Ms. Morgan doesn’t really care what you think).
I won’t go into detail about the book itself because I don’t think it’s necessary. It’s enough to say, I think, that the author exposes quite vividly what she does in the bedroom or dungeon and why. The book is enlightening, engaging, informative, and well written (take that, sentence fragments!). Yes, kink is a far cry from being fully submissive, but the book answers any questions about why Ms. Morgan enjoys the difference. Turn on any reality tv show and you’ll see there are social deviants everywhere (and there’s always one or more people who are just as weird.) I think that’s great. Everyone deserves someone to be weird with.
Ms. Morgan takes us through how she determined she enjoyed non-vanilla sex, the various relationships she’s been in, and she does so with an ability to make it all seem normal. Did you know there are still states consider certain sex acts illegal? (I think one close to me, Virginia, is one.) How is this possible? What goes on in one’s house, consensually, should never be a legal issue. I mean, once you hastily sign the paper saying you won’t sue if that ceiling fan idea goes awry, everything is all good. Besides, that’s what safe words are for (note: ”Don’t do that!” might work better than “Tissue!”).
So, if you’re looking for a book that might arouse you, might inform you, will definitely explain the inner workings of submissive life in an engaging manner, Diary of a Submissive is for you. If you do happen to enjoy it, I won’t consider you vulgar. I’ll just think of you as normal (with potential for a reality show).
This is a paid review for BlogHer. The words, however are all mine (well, the words aren’t mine, I didn’t make up these words. Well, I did make up the words, but I didn’t make the words up. Glad we cleared that up).
Join the discussion here: Diary of a Submissive.