Writer’s Workshop: No Butt Marks

Thursday! Writer’s Workshop. Go!

This week, I chose:

2.) List the names of five dogs from your lifetime. Write about why one sparks a stronger memory to you than the others.

When I was growing up, we had two or three dogs at once. The only one I remember is Snuffy (short for Snuffleupagus). He was mine, given to me on my eighth (or sixth or seventh; come on it’s been awhile) birthday. Oh, how I loved this dog. He was a German shepherd and as sweet as they come. Unless you tried to come into the yard. Or the house. Or, wait, if you walked by the gate. Or were the mailman. Or the cat next door. Or that boy around the corner named Leslie who threw aluminum cans at me. Only then did he bark.

No one likes can throwing boys named Leslie.

I don’t remember the tale of Snuffy eating the whole roasted chicken, but I do remember him getting the popcorn box stuck on his head. I remember him sleeping at the foot of my bed, green eyes glowing in the dark as he walked with me to the bathroom in the middle of the night, keeping quiet while I sneaked to make butter sandwiches.

The other dogs in my life as a child were ones I loved just as much as Snuffy: Clifford, Benji, Lady (from Lady and the Tramp), Flash from The Dukes of Hazard, Freeway from Moonlighting, Pecos Bill from WKRP in Cincinnati (why I remember this, I have no idea), all 101 Dalmations, Pluto, and Elwood from The Shaggy D.A.

And then there’s the one that sparks a stronger memory than the others. Well, naturally that’d be Cujo. Last week I wrote about being startled. I didn’t think about it at the time, but aside from my own house scaring me, I was most recently frightened by Cujo’s little brother. Except not on screen.

Until last month I was working 7-3. In order to get to work by 7 I had to be on the 6:05 bus which meant before the sun rose. One morning I am running a little late. I jog to make it to the bus stop before the bus. I hear him before I see him since it was still dark. And then he is running directly at me, teeth bared, full speed. He is as high as my waist and on his hind legs would likely be my height. He is muscular. And angry. I know I shouldn’t have run, but in this moment, getting bitten and having a tetanus shot or being checked for rabies runs through my mind. So, I run. Smack dab into a parked Jeep.

Disoriented, I run around the side of it and to its back. The dog follows, running so fast it looks like he will fall over. He’s growling, barking. I run to the front of the Jeep where his owner stands seemingly bewildered. I keep wondering how it would feel, those long teeth cutting into my flesh. Where will he bite? My leg? My arm? My neck? I imagine him biting my butt and I start to run faster, still in a circle around the truck because seriously, dumb ass, get your dog!

It is nearly Christmas and I cannot imagine being laid up with gauze on my butt because this creep doesn’t have a leash for his dog. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the dog got out. Maybe. After the third trip around the Jeep I am getting tired, slowing up. How long have I been running? Is there really a dog chasing me or is that residual vodka making me think there’s a dog chasing me? Speaking of talking and dogs, now I’m seeing the black dog in “The Son of Sam” talking to David Berkowitz. Amazing what the mind will come up with when under duress but no one wants talking dogs right now; you need to climb onto the top of this truck so that Cujo’s brother won’t bite your butt!

Instead, I twist my ankle and almost go down but the sight of that dog coming at me propels me forward. I wonder again if the dog escaped its yard and the owner (is he high? Why is he just standing there? Does he have insurance?) is simply retrieving/catching him? He’s not doing too good a job at catching; they should send backup. Also, if the dog left because it’s being mistreated, he better hope it doesn’t have a cell phone to call and report him.

On the fifth (the fifth!) trip around the Jeep, the guy grabs the dog by the collar. He mumbles, “sorry, ma’am.” I respond as politely as I can, out of breath with muddy pants, and having missed the bus, no longer caring about any benefit of any amount of doubt, ”Fuck you. Get a leash.”

And now I suffer from dog chase induced PTSD. I cannot walk down that street without pausing, listening. I certainly refuse to jog down that street. I swing my head back and forth, sweeping my eyes up and down the block just in case. Every day I think I hear him, see him running toward me. I cross the street now when people are walking their dogs, even if they’re leashed.

You can never be too sure that that isn’t a demonic black lab telling the owner to let him bite random butts.

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Comments

  1. Oh my gosh!!! I would be terrified of running past dogs if that had ever happened to me! Kind of sad that unleashed dogs can be so unnerving, but seriously where WAS his leash!?!

  2. OMG that’s scary! That guy is lucky you didn’t report him or seriously hurt his dog! One word….TASER! =)

    • One person suggested mace or a cattle prod. I don’t want to hurt the dog but I don’t want subconscious growling to punctuate my walk either. I would have used something if I’d had it and a bite was coming but I’d much rather have kicked the owner in the throat.

    • I keep wondering why I didn’t report it. If the dog is prone to that behavior (and it’s not that I scared him suddenly), it’s almost like I’m setting the next person up.

  3. “No one likes can throwing boys named Leslie.” So true.

    I hope Jeep man heard you and bought Cujo a muzzle!

  4. oh honey. u know not all dogs are that way. i know u know this. also, freeway was the dog from hart to hart. :-)

    • No, I know. It’s just stuck with me and I think that owner has ruined that dog. And I’m giggling at Freeway. And it’s funny; I hate those who abuse leash laws, but then I’m hypocritical if you have the cutest cocker spaniel who needs his ears rubbed. When I drop the oldest off at school near The Hill, dogs abound (with their owners, all usually unleashed. I guess I am more forgiving because none has tried to eat me).

  5. Good LORD. I am so freaking tired of people ignoring leash laws. It drives me NUTS. I could soapbox about this issue for an hour.

    Instead, I’ll just set your chase around the Jeep to Benny Hill music in my head and try to get a laugh out of it. I’ll stay much less angry that some idiot nearly let his dog eat my friend. Grrr…

  6. Oh my goodness! I am so sorry that I was laughing at your own Cujo story! You wrote it hysterically though…so really, its your own fault ;-)
    Glad he didn’t get your bum and to be honest, I would have PTSD too after that!

  7. We have free running critters out here all the time, but they don’t seem to bother me. Of course, I watch the Dog Whisperer a lot. And I carry an old broom handle. Sorry you were scared like that–Cujo was pretty scary!!

  8. Fuck you. Get a leash.

    Holy crap. I would have taken my purse to the dog’s head. And then the owner’s.

  9. That is pure craziness about that dog attacking you. I love the memories of your dog growing up : ) How sweet. Right by your side as you snuck for the butter sandwhich. Too sweet.

  10. OMG! I know EXACTLY how you feel. I wrote about the same prompt this week. Except my Cujo was only about a foot tall. I bet you wanted to take a bite out of that owners butt…figuratively not literally :)

    Ignored leash laws piss me off too…even more than ignored poop n scoop laws.

  11. Oh my gosh, that is really scary!

  12. Ok… after first being horrified by being chased by Cujo’s brother I got a good laugh picturing you circling the jeep out of breath but mustering just enough strength and breath to tell the owner to Fuck off! I LOVE IT! I wouldn’t have had enough nerve (or breath) to say anything. Sorry..nothing personal about the laughing… I’m also one of those weird people who laugh when people fall down or bump into stuff. I do check to see if they are ok…when I quit laughing. Sorry!

    I picked the same prompt!

  13. Just last week, there was a story in our local news about a two year old girl who was mauled by one of “very dangerous looking dogs”.

  14. That is crazy! I would have some serious PTSD if i was chased by a dog like that. WTF was up with his owner?

    • You know what, Barbara, I wonder if the owner wasn’t a bit scared of him. Other owners with unleashed dogs that I’ve encountered have been able to say heel or sit or down, Cujo! and the dog respond. He was a mumbling mess. And I stayed late at work Friday and walked in the dark past the alleyway he came out of. I could still hear him growling and even though I know it was just my mind, it is an awful feeling since I walk that way every day. Dark or light, I have the same spontaneous reaction.

  15. Dude. Cujo’s owner needed a kick in the nuts. I would have been so pissed. Maybe a stick (you can throw and say fetch) and then Mase as backup? Good Luck. Kristen

  16. UGH.

    We have a black dog, red collar, same thing…has harrassed me on more walks than I can count.

    I called the police, though…they can’t do much, I guess…because it continues..

  17. that is absolutely crazy!!! why in the world was he just standing there? Why would you need to run around a random jeep so many times before he did something? crazy!

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